Searching Our Hearts for So Long

Tysin-Icin' in the tub. This is Brandy's youngest boy, Tysin. I took this during the summer, at bath time. As you can see, he's filthy from supper. I think he's wearing BBQ sauce from his hotdog, freezie, and oreo. Messy messy but such a doll-face.

Tomorrow night I'm going with Brandy, Tysin, Dakin and Corbin to trick-or-treat. Well, bring the kids anyways. I'm a bit too old to do that these days. Dakin was SO excited yesterday about his costume that when I was on the phone with Brandy he insisted on speaking to me, to tell me all about his outfit, and school party, and candy. Dakin is 5 and can be terribly shy and I don't think he's been that chatty to me on the phone ever. He's cute. Although you can't tell him that because he throws a huge fit and says he isn't cute at all. His brother Corbin though, loves hearing how cute he is.

Yesterday, I took a trip to my parents place and had supper over there. I guess it's going to be a Sunday tradition because they invited me back next weekend (and that would be week 3). They just got home from New Hampshire, where they visited my little sister Lilly and her husband Christopher. Christopher was named "Best Solider in New England" so there was a banquet (that's why they went down). This was the first real meeting for my parents with Chris and his family. Lilly pretty much married him without anyone even talking to the guy. I'm proud of her though, they've been married over a year, are buying a house and plan to have kids within a year or so. She looks really happy and has some good weight on her (she was borderline anorexic for much of her teen years).

While I was at my folks I had Dad take a look at the front bumper on the car. It seems to be coming off on the drivers side. He couldn't fix it without a wratchet...but he thinks he can do something about it. And he put oil in my car cause...well...*cough*...there was none. Almost none anyways. But there was no light on to tell me I was even low! I just assumed that when I got all that work done on the car when I bought it, an oil change was on that list. Today I'm going to buy some coolant since you can't even SEE the coolant in the container. And...you know what's really cool? My car, under the hood, has levels in it. So you know how even your car is, so that if you want to put fluids in, you don't fill up a container that looks empty but isn't it's that the car is on a grade. Pretty kick ass. Bless the Japanesse.

I also mentioned Randy to my parents. To my Dad sort of in passing because I have never been really comfortable with discussing my love life (or lack there of for you nit pickers) with him. He either says something too judgemental or he makes some comment about how he thinks that I'm afraid to have sex (I'm not afraid to have sex, I'm afraid to have sex with the wrong person for the wrong reasons!). Anyways...he takes those conversations to places that Dad's shouldn't take them. But I did tell my stepmom about it, sort of. I didn't elude into how much I care about Randy (or always have) but I mentioned that he might come for a visit in February. All she really said was to be careful, because situations with kids and an ex can get sticky. Too true.

Both of us (Randy and I) are scared to death because these feelings are bigger than we both anticipated considering the amount of time that's passed since we dated. He's scared to have sex with me (not that we're going to) because I'm a virgin. And not to kiss and tell, but he is very well endowed so I'm nervous for obvious reasons. Right now we're just friends who flirt, and who love eachother. I can handle that until February, and then we'll see where it goes when he gets here. I'm going to talk to Dave today about the time off. He does owe me 9 days (10 on the 11th). Plus by then I'll have earned a few more days. So I plan to take a week off around the 15th of Feb.

At least Randy is off this thing where he doesn't think he deserves to be loved. Boy that was frustrating. I can understand how he gets himself into that, but being bipolar doesn't mean that you're broken and should be discarded carelessly. If anything he needs it more.

I think I'm ready. I want this. We'll just see if it happens. I'm tired of boys. I want a man. I want Randy.

Would You Lie With Me & Just Forget The World?

Isn't he cute? That's Randy's son Ryan. First born. Ryan has a little brother named Cody. Both of them are absolutely adorable. I remember when Randy came into my parents bookstore a few years ago, with Ryan in the stroller as a baby, and he was making these sounds that sounded like a cross between giggles and cries. Like he was amused and pissed off all at the same time. It was pretty funny once Randy assured me that he was just playing in the stroller and not crying.

Poor Randy, I don't know when he last saw the boys but I know that he and Tracy (the boy's mum) are having some sort of fight/disagreement and she won't let him have visitation with their boys. Since he doens't work, and has a fair bit of free time (especially now that his power supply bit the dust the other night) not seeing the boys is making him a bit stir crazy. He may have his issues to deal with, but one thing is for certain, Randy loves his boys.

I miss him. He hasn't been on the last few nights, and probably won't be on for the next little while until he either fixes his computer or borrows a power supply from his Dad's ham radio kit or something. Generally, Randy and I e-mail back and forth for a bit before I go to bed, then I send him some in the morning. Haven't heard from him since the weekend.

Ever date someone that even years later they still cross your mind? That's what Randy is to me. Things between us weren't perfect but I don't care about that.


I'm back up and running with WoW. Turns out I didn't need to uninstall/reinstall the trial. Works just fine, when I updated my account settings and put in my 60 day pre-paid passcard. Last night I almost got to lvl 13 when I checked out Westfall. Lots of higher lvl beasts there for me to slay and get some good XP. I wish they would drop more stuff that I can use though. I need some better weapons. The ones I have are alright, but I want 2 good short swords. I've got dual wield.

Tomorrow is going to be insanely busy at work. I've got 2 remotes to op for on top of my show, plus logs. I am NOT looking forward to that at all. Dave just blows my mind sometimes. Instead of spreading things out a little bit over the week he crammed all 5 remotes into 2 days. Some days I could just scream.

Brandy's Dad has figured out what the problem is with my car...basically it has been shaking like a crack-whore going through withdrawl. Starts like that in first, engine is reving high, shift gears, still shaking as I accelerate, shift again into 3rd, when the gear seems to "catch" the car takes off like a shot. Then it just...stops. Something happens and the car seems to mellow out. Everyone had a different idea on it. Filters, oil change, wet sensor, timing belt. Turns out it's my spark plug cables, distributor cap and something else. He knew what it was before she even mentioned to him that it only does it when it's wet out! Unbelievable. So Craig is going to spray some WD40 on the cords and Brandy's Dad said he could fix it for me no problem. So that is pretty damn awesome if you ask me.

I finally got around to pimping out my profile on myspace with a sweet CSI: Miami layout. Check it out and drop me a line.

Our Scars Remind Us That The Past Is Real

Big Sur in California. I didn't take that, props to who did. It's from Caedes.net that much I remember. It's just a reminder about how beautiful life can be.

I've been thinking about that lately since today is the 1 year anniversary of Great Nanny's passing away. It was incredibly heart breaking and even a year later I cry over her death. I miss her terribly and I think about her often. RIP Tina Allain.




Oh...I saw the BEST interview EVER today. Julie Banderas broke every rule there is about doing an interview, and I hope she didn't get into trouble for it. I doubt it since pretty much everyone feels this way...here's the link

Julie Banderas is My Hero

Running up video

Hannity and Colmes


Shirley Phelps is evil. I believe that. And I would daresay that if there is a God and Satan...She's going straight to the hot place. Right to hell. I have NEVER wished that anyone should go there, but I agree...she is mean, sick and cruel. How can anyone thank God for such horrible things as 9/11, dead soldiers, AIDS, IED's and lol "thank God for being a fool".

What Bible indeed. She's got no official association with mainstream Baptists. Hate breeds hate.

Fred Phelps-Fox News is Satanic Media Mofia

Riiiiiiight. One sided, unethical...right. Okay.


On something better. Randy said I was "the one that got away". I'm glad that he still has feelings for me. Tickled pink actually. He's just been on my mind for all these years. I offered that he come for a visit soon, and surprise surprise he didn't say no. He said after Christmas if things were still going well that we should do that. I very much want him here. I'm aware of all the complications a relationship like this could bring but...I have to find out if we are meant for eachother. I'm still attracted to him, still want him around, he's still on my thoughts after 3 years.

When Darkness Turns to Light It Ends Tonight

New haircut! It only took a year and a half to get my ass to the salon. I lost about 2 or 3 inches to dead ends. The reason I waited so long was because I wanted to have a lot of hair so that if I lost a lot I wouldn't be back to a short haircut.

I decided to show the back of it because you can see all the blondes, reds, browns in my colour...my Stylist kept asking if I had dyed it. Totally natural colour. I'm just blessed I guess for not having flat hair colour. He tried to get me to pick up $44 worth of hair products but I couldn't justify the cost. He was giving me a deal, I know, but sheesh. I need a few other things before I can blow my cash like that. Maybe next GST Cheque.

Keith is crazy. I don't want to have anything to do with him tonight. He's leaving threats for me. Bastard.

extremely long survey
ABOUT ME
Your full name::	SJ
Age::	21 (until next month!)
Height::	5 '9
Natural hair colour::	Brown
Eye colour::	Blue
Number of siblings::	2
Glasses/contacts?::	None
Piercings::	None
Tattoos::	None
Braces?::	Once upon a time
FAVOURITE
Colour::	Yellow, Silver, Pink
Band::	All American Rejects, Evanescence Nickelback, Theory of a Deadman, P!NK, Papa Roach, Nelly Furtado, City and Colour, Hinder, Sarah McLaughlan, Chantal K, Josh Groban etc
Song::	@ the moment it's "It Ends Tonight"
Stuffed animal::	Mickey Mouse
Video game::	WoW
TV show::	CSI: Miami
Movie::	Breakfast Club
Book::	The Phantom Tollbooth, Where the Red Fern Grows, The Outstretched Shadow, To Light a Candle
Food::	Poutine
Game on a cell phone::	Tetris
CD cover::	The Open Door-Evanescence
Flower::	Rose
Scent::	Fall
Animal::	Wolf
Comic book::	Calvin and Hobbes
Cereal::	Count Chocula
Website::	IMDB.com
Cartoon::	Family Guy
DO YOU
Play an instrument?::	Flute (well...use to)
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?::	Nah...15 hrs tops
Like to sing?::	If I'm alone
Have a job?::	Yes
Have a cell phone?::	Nope
Like to play sports?::	Not much these days
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?::	No
Have a crush on someone?::	Randy
Live somewhere NOT in Canada::	Germany for a few months
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?::	No
Have any special talents/skills?::	Being funny
Excercise daily?::	No
Like school?::	Depending on the course
CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?::	No
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?::	Yes
Speak any other languages?::	A little French and some German
Go a day without food?::	Yes
Stay up for more than 24 hours?::	Yes
Read music, not just tabs?::	No
Roll your tongue?::	Yes
Eat a whole pizza?::	Yes...a small one
HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?::	No
Cried to get out of trouble?::	No
Gotten lost in your city?::	When I first moved here
Seen a shooting star?::	Yes
Been to any other countries besides Canada?::	Germany, the US, France
Had a serious surgery?::	Yes
Stolen something important to someone else?::	No
Solved a rubiks cube?::	No...Damn things
Gone out in public in your pajamas?::	Only on those special school
Cried over a girl?::	No
Cried over a boy?::	No
Kissed a random stranger?::	No
Hugged a random stranger?::	No
Been in a fist fight?::	No
Been arrested?::	No
Done drugs?::	No
Had alcohol?::	Yes
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?::	No
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?::	Yes
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?::	No
Swore at your parents?::	God no!
Been to warped tour?::	No
Kicked a guy where it hurts?::	Yep but it was an accident
Been in love?::	No
Been close to love?::	I'm not sure
Been to a casino?::	Yes
Ran over an animal and killed it?::	No
Broken a bone?::	No
Gotten stitches?::	Yeah
Had a waterballoon fight in winter?::	No
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?::	I think so
Made homemade muffins?::	Yes
Bitten someone?::	No
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?::	No
More than 5 times?::	No
Been to niagra falls?::	Yes
Burped in someones face?::	No
Gotten the chicken pox?::	Yeah
WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth::	Lunch
Went to the bathroom::	This morning
Saw a movie in theaters::	Jackass 2 Opening Night (dunno when that was)
Read a book::	Reading one now
Had a snow day::	Nah...I have a job
Had a party::	Long time ago
Had a slumber party::	High school
Made fun of someone::	Today
Tripped in front of someone::	Grade 8
Went to the grocery store::	A few days ago
Got sick::	This year
Cursed::	This morning
PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables::	Fruit
Black/white::	Black
Lights on/lights off::	Lights off
TV/movie::	TV
Car/truck::	Car
Body spray/lotion::	Body Spray
Cash/check::	Cash
Pillows/blankets::	Blankets
Headache/stomach ache::	Stomach ache
Paint/charcoal::	Paint
Chinese food/mexican food::	Chinese
Summer/winter::	Winter
Snow/rain::	Snow
Fog/misty::	Mist
Rock/rap::	Rock
Meat/vegetarian::	Meat
Boy/girl::	Boy
Chocolate/vanilla::	Chocolate
Sprinkles/icing::	Icing
Cake/pie::	Pie
French toast/french fries::	French Fries
Strawberries/blueberries::	Blueberries
Ocean/swimming pool::	Ocean
Hugs/kisses::	Hugs
Cookies/muffins::	Cookies
p33n/bewbz::	P33n
Wallet/pocket::	Wallet
Window/door::	Window
Emo/goth::	Goth
Pink/purple::	Pink
Cat/dog::	Cat
Long sleeve/short sleeve::	Short Sleeve
Pants/shorts::	Pants
Winter break/spring break::	Winter Break
Spring/autumn::	Autumn
Clouds/clear sky::	Clouds
Moon/mars::	Moon
FRIENDSHIP
How many friends do you have?::	Enough to keep me busy
What are their names?::	Egh...there are too many to name.
Do you have a best friend?::	Brandy
Have you ever liked one of your friends?::	Yes
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?::	Girl
Have you ever lost a friend?::	Yes. Casey.
Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend?::	Yes
Whats an inside joke between you and a friend?::	3 Card Kim
Have you ever gotten in a big arguement with a friend?::	Yes
Whats the nicest thing youve ever done for a friend?::	Hmm...took Brandy and Tysin to the hospital
Whats the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?::	Lent money
Do you miss any of your old friends?::	Yeah
What friend have you known the longest?::	Sheesh...Julia I think
Do you regret anything youve done to a friend?::	I'm sure I have
If so, what is it?::	I don't remember
How often do you spend time with your friends?::	Between MSN and visiting...a lot
Do any of your friends drive?::	Yes
Has a friend of yours ever died?::	Yes
Whats the dumbest thing youve done with a friend?::	Got pulled over by the cops
What do you think your friends think of you?::	Funny, smart, kind...
LOVE AND ALL THAT JAZZ
Have you ever been in love?::	Maybe
If you have, with who?::	Randy
Are you single?::	Yes
Are you in a relationship?::	No
If so, for how long?::	N/A
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?::	Sure
What is your idea of the best date?::	Just hanging out, talking and laughing
What was your first kiss like?::	Kind of akward
How old were you when you got your first kiss?::	14
Do you think love is a load of shit?::	At times
Whats the best experience youve ever had with the opposite sex?::	Watching movies and making out all night
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before?::	Yes
Have you ever been dumped?::	No, I generally end things first
Have you ever dumped someone?::	See above
Whats the most sexual thing youve done with the opposite sex?::	Oral
WORD ASSOCIATION
Slippers::	Warm
Hat::	Head
Hard::	Work
Free::	Spirit
Space::	Stars
Taste::	Good
Good charlotte::	Annoying
Red::	Roses
Deep::	Water
Heart::	Love
Cord::	Strangle (whoa...too much CSI methinks)
Cheese::	Mmm
Rain::	Wet
Work::	Fun
Pedal::	Speed
Head::	Games
Bed::	Sleep
Fluff::	Cat
Hardcore::	Porn
Race::	Win
Knife::	Cut
Jump::	Fall
I....
am::	Awake
want::	Music
need::	To burn a cd
crave::	Love
love::	Music
hate::	Liars
did::	Housework
feel::	Relaxed
miss::	Randy
am annoyed by::	Keith
would rather::	Be Rich
am tired of::	Procrastinating
will always::	Procrastinate
SILLY STUFF
What is your favourite genre of music?::	Anything pop/rock
What time is it now?::	3:24
What day is it?::	Saturday
Whens the last time you called someone?::	30 minutes ago
How much money do you have right now?::	$120
Are you hungry?::	Naw
Whatcha doin?::	Typing, listening to music, talking to friends
Do you like parades?::	Yes
Do you like the moon?::	Yes
What are you going to do when youre done with this?::	Burn a cd and get ready to go out
Isnt cup a funny word when you repeat it over and over?::	No
If you could have any magical power what would it be?::	Change myself into any shape or form in the blink of an eye
Have you ever had a picnic?::	Yes
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were young?::	Totally!
What about sock em boppers?::	I didn't but my friends did
Are you wearing any socks right now?::	No
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?::	Yes and so do most of my friends
pretty?::	um...average
sarcastic?::	Hell ya
lazy?::	Only on evenings and weekends
hyper?::	Occasionally
friendly?::	Yes
evil?::	A little bit
smart?::	Depends on the topic
strong?::	Mentally not Physically
talented?::	At times
dorky?::	Probably
ASSOCIATE THESE WORDS WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW (or dont know)
high::	Steve
skip::	??
dance::	Liz R
lonely::	Jagot
pen::	Dave
flower::	Christina
window::	Abby (you can see right through her)
psycho::	Keith
brain freeze::	3 Card Kim
orange::	Mark
sassy::	Brandy
jelly::	??
FOR OR AGAINST
suicide::	I'm against it
love::	For
drunk drivers::	Against
airplanes::	For
war::	A necessary evil
canada::	ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY
united states::	Sure
rock music::	For
gay marriage::	For
school::	For
surveys::	For
parents::	Both lol
cars::	For
killing::	Against
britney spears::	Against
coffee::	For
pants::	Who doesn't like the occasional pair of pants
WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?::	Nope...fear of heights
Play strip poker?::	Nope but I would watch :P
Run away?::	No
Curse at a teacher?::	No
Not take a shower for a week?::	No
Ask someone out?::	Maybe..I would rather be the question answerer
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?::	I have in the past
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?::	Yes
Go scuba diving?::	Maybe
Write a book?::	Yes
Become a rockstar?::	LOL I wish
Have casual sex?::	No
LAST QUESTIONS
What shampoo do you use?::	Sauve this month
Whens the last time you did something sexual with the opposite sex?::	Shew...a few months ago. It was damn good.
What kind of computer do you have?::	Custom built
What grade are you in?::	I finished college
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?::	No..I pay too much for it to just throw it away
Or just make out?::	No
How many posters do you have in your room?::	A few
How many cds do you have?::	100 plus
What time is it now?::	3:33 pm

Everything Is Wonderful Now

Look at that little scamp. Meeko has WAY too much energy and as a result he takes it out on my poor furniture. He's very hard on things. I should clip his claws or something.

I was out picking up cat food and litter when I saw the door hanging scratch pad was only $4. I haven't bought them a new toy since the scratching post. So, what the heck? I picked it up, doused it with liquid catnip and he loves it! He's so silly. I have a video of him playing with it, and at one point he's hanging off the bottom, swinging back and forth (not touching the floor). He's some cute though. He looks like he's got mittens and socks on, especially when he stands up like that. Even Miss Pickles, who almost never plays with toys played with this new addition to their collection.

Yesterday, I got to talk to Julia P from high school on the phone. She's dating Chris Ticknor! I don't know what's crazier, that she's dating him (he was nerdy in HS) or that he's now SMOKIN' HOT! He's got a 12 pack. So let that be a lesson, don't be mean to the nerds cause they might wind up being rich or hot, or hell, both. It could happen! And Jules sister Amy is getting married next August I do believe. His name, I think, is Mark and he's in Hamilton? Good for her. Maybe she'll mellow out.

Last night I stopped by my parents place before heading to work, and got to do some laundry (saves me some cash) and I'll finish the rest when I get to have supper with them on Sunday. I'm glad that I don't have to go to the laundry-mat today. It smells funny, the people are strange (when it's not empty) and I'm generally bored out of my mind for at least an hour and a half.

Suppose to get my haircut at Steve's salon today but $18 bucks seems a bit steep for a simple cut with no wash, dry or even styling. I'm going to pop into the place across the road and see if they have any openings this morning. I'm sure Steve is really good, but he charges quite a bit more than the other salon's in the city.

Dave was really greatful for everything I did last week while he was away. Sales, GM stuff, my job, and let's not kid ourselves running herd on Steve. Everyone has been telling him that he's lucky to have me around. He also was thankful for the card I picked up and had everyone sign. Even Mark made it in over the weekend to sign it.

I am really surprised with myself. I realized yesterday that I'm not angry about the whole Keith thing anymore. It's waned big time. My Dad asked me if this was it for him and I, and I told him it was. Thing is, this was Keiths second chance. He blew it. Compound that with the fact that I talked to Heidi (Brandy's sister in-law) about that Auxilliary RCMP stuff (she's one like Keith) and told her what he's been telling us. Most of what he'd been saying was a complete lie. Not that I'm surprised, after all the other stuff that's come about.

So yeah, I'm actually really happy. Keith was starting to drag me down and become a real blight on my good moods. I'm feelin' good and free. Good ridance to bad rubbish, I say.

Go Ahead, Be Gone With It

That's Marie-Claude. That's the girl that Keith has been seeing for a week and a half behind my back. I say this not out of jealousy or hatred, but she looks like she hasn't slept in 100 years and wants to devour your soul. That's just me.

Yep. I found out about it on Myspace, for Godsakes. I didn't confront him right away about it though. I calmed down first, because I was so filled with rage that it might have gone badly. Not that I was that calm today about the whole thing.

Me (on the phone): So are you sure nothing between us has changed?
Keith: What do you mean?
Me: You told me the reason you've been so standoff-ish is because you're overwhelmed with work and school. I just think it's more than that. Are you sure that's all?
Keith: That's all it is.
Me: Are you sure?
Keith: Yes, I'm sure.
Me: (knowing he's lying...again)...You're SURE?
Keith: Yes...
Me: You're absolutely sure?
Keith: YES!
Me: THEN HOW COME YOU'RE DATING MARIE-CLAUDE.
Keith: .......................shit.........

Yeah. I'm sure one day I'll laugh about how stupid the guy is, but right now I'm so pissed he lied to me like that. Plus, I'm pissed that even though the warning bells were going off for a looooong time now, I decided to give him the benifit of the doubt.

The thing that gets me, is he's trying to make me look crazy via his website. First of all, did he really honestly think we would still be friends after that? How naive can you be? Then, he posts saying that I'm not justified in being angry because we weren't "technically dating". We were seeing eachother, that's a fact, and he said some pretty serious stuff to me. Not to mention he got jealous when it came about I knew this guy in town (who liked me and persued me) and that we had like a make-out session (he asked, I was honest, I don't lie, and it was in the past). Jealous over the past. Strange. Jealousy is such a turn off

Answer this for me, though. If he didn't think he was doing anything wrong, why did he lie? Why not tell me, if we were just friends? Easy, because he felt guilty about it. Hell, I saw him at Wal-Mart with her and he looked afraid (maybe he thought I'd start something) but I said what I wanted to say on the phone. I'm not about to start a screaming match in Wal-Mart. That would embarass me, more than him, trust me.

Tomorrow, when I go to give him his stuff and get mine, I'll act chipper and cheerful as if nothing happened. He's thinking about quitting the station, immature if you ask me. We don't work together. He's in on Sunday's and I couldn't be bothered to even set eyes on the station over my weekends (free time is key) so that's not an issue. I'm also professional enough to work with him even if I did hate his guts.

Besides, I don't stay mad forever. I'm not saying I'll want to be his friend or seek him out in any sort of avenue later. He'll just become fodder (well he already has) for my jokes. I mean come on, the guy thinks he can sense not only the dead, but their gener, age, and why they died. Mmmhmm. Some days I was tempted to say to him, "So, is Ghost Whisperer a realistic show?" just to poke fun at him.

Brandy and Craig thought he was feminine. That makes me laugh. I never really noticed until they mentioned it, and yeah he is. His facial expressions, reactions, the way he talks with his hands, his vanity. Yep. Not to mention the way he speaks and his inflection.


I am pretty angry though. I feel very betrayed about the whole situation. It's not about Marie-Claude, it's that he couldn't be honest with me. Couldn't be honest when I gave him numerous chances to do so. Keith Trites has issues. He did to me all the things he past girlfriends have done to him. Who knows, maybe he was making me pay for their mistakes? Probable. Very probable.

I'm Losing You and It's Effortless

Okay okay so I keep forgetting to take some pictures with the digital camera. But I really do love playing with my WoW character "Slvrbrtmn" aka "Silver Brightmoon". Yesterday I lvled up again, and skinned and leatherworked to get my skills up. I'm half thinking about starting my own guild, but maybe I'll join up with one first and then break away when I get a real grasp of the game.

I ordered the official, full version of Amazon.ca yesterday for WAY cheaper than Walmart. $24.99 for the game (It's about $60 at the store) and $29.99 for the 2 month pre-paid card. With taxes it was $66 bucks and a few cents here and there. Not a bad deal. AND I got free shipping. 4 to 7 business days can't come fast enough. Not to mention I'll have the book (even if it is a bit out dated).


Ffb. So this Keith thing keeps spiralling and I think I finally have an idea why. See, Keith gets it into his head, every so often, that he's a crappy boyfriend (gee...where would he get that idea?) and that he shouldn't date. Or he starts to overthink things, kind of like I do. My guess is that he realized what he was feeling (he did tell me he saw me in his future) and panicked. Men! I never asked him to marry me.

But yesterday was it. I've been saying I don't have time for games, and I meant it. After yesterday's stunt I'm finished. We were talking on the phone and he tells me that he doesn't work Saturday (he does, but he doesn't consider office work "work"). Great news that means we can do something like he promised we would last weekend. He said that he was going to spend Friday night down in Edmunston with Marie-Claude (I think that's her name) and work Saturday.

Me: "Well, when you get back Saturday then do you want to do something with Brandy and Craig?"
Keith: "Umm....let me check my schedule. I don't know if I'm coming home. I might stay Friday to Sunday."
Me: "Er...well you can't do that. Cause you're on the schedule for Sunday at the station."
Keith: "Oh...hm. Well, I won't say yes, but maybe."

You know what? Screw off. I'm not a backup plan. I made that choice when the Abby thing went down. Not anymore, no sir. You can't keep a promise? That really irks me, unless you have a reason (a good one) don't break them. If you can't keep a promise don't make one. And when I asked him what he's reason was for breaking it? He said "iono... :( screwed up." Yeah. Screwed up is right. Oh, "iono" is his way of saying "I don't know".

It's not that I'm mad at him persay...I think it just hurts. I'm starting to think maybe he shouldn't date. Not to be mean, but if this is the sort of thing that he puts a girl through while they're dating...I mean, maybe this is what happened with Mandi. Because there was that "honeymoon period" where if you read his blog, where everything was peachy keen. Then all of a sudden, he starts writing about how things are going south. Maybe she was tired of his constant need to be reassured, his neediness, and his judgemental attitude.

Brandy thinks that he hates her and Craig since he keeps making excuses to not go out there. I told her that I don't think that's the case at all. But I could see where she would feel maybe insulted.

Okay maybe I am a little mad. I just can't believe him. Live and learn I guess.

I'm Going Down My Road and I Can Make It Alone

A monument to the first Acadian settlers in Carleton, Que. If you're not familiar with the Acadians (shame on you!) they were people from France looking for a place to call home. They didn't really fit back in the 'old country' and so they travelled to the 'new world' in seek of something better. I am related to 2 out of 3 big families to settle Acadia (which would be Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, PEI, part of Maine and parts of Que). Sadly, France and England were fighting over the land, and finally France sold Acadia to the English and abandoned it's people. The English, wanting the land for themselves, made the Acadians sign a pledge of Alligance to England in order to stay. What they really signed was a Deportation Order. Without getting into the nitty gritty details, the people of Acadia were rounded up like cattle and shipped across the world (back to France, parts of the US...that's why Louisiana is French). What a lot of people don't realize is that the Acadians were considered to be nothing, and were treated as slaves and worked in the fields along side African Americans. This is part of who I am, and where my family comes from. Although, I am mostly German, I have a huge appriciation for my French roots. I can't imagine being ripped apart from my family, shipped far far away from them (many families were split up and never reunited) and forced to press on. A huge group of them walked all the way back to Acadia from Louisiana only to find their homes and farms had been burned down and built over. Everything was gone. Everything.

Yesterday, I was exhausted. I got home, made some supper and racked out around 2:30. I didn't wake back up until 6:30 and even then I could have closed my eyes and spent another few hours sleeping. But I forced myself to get out of bed since I knew there'd be no getting back to sleep at 11 if I only woke up again at 8.

Keith and I were suppose to spend some time together, but he got this huge project dumped on him before lunch and he had the rest of the afternoon to finish it. And it needs to be done at 4pm today. Crazy. That was alright with me.

Terri finally had time to play WoW with me. I have to order the full copy today (got my cheque). She got me out of the Elven lands and into Stormwind. Now I can fish, skin and leatherwork my skills up so much faster. Plus, there are more people in the Stormwind area. It's a big laggy in the city for me, but I plan to pick up another stick of 512 soon.

Steve is in at 10 this morning, which will help me out some. I've got some of the boss' stuff to take care of. Logs to do. Commercials. Stuff like that.

You know it's funny, the other day I was so mad about the whole Abby thing. And I talked to Marko about it on Sunday. Last night he asked me how I was feeling, about surprisingly I'm not upset about it at all. Maybe because I already told myself 1000 times over the last 6 months that it was over. Now that it is, I can just move on and leave it be.

I still haven't heard from the doctor's office about getting an appointment for another allergy test. If I can remember to, I'll have to give the girl a call and set something up. Better to just get the darn thing over with. I'm going to see if I can't get it done on Friday afternoon so that Keith can drop me off and pick me up. Last time I had to have a shot and wasn't suppose to drive. I figure where he's testing me for things I'm already allergic to pretty severely I'll need another damn needle.

It's not even 9 am yet and I want to go home and go to bed.

Tell Me Your Favourite Song

The new car, or new to me anyways. 1997 Mitsubishi Galant DE. Standard transmission. When I saw the car, I wanted it, immediately, but the transmission made me want to turn around and run screaming for the hills. It's not that I doubted I could learn, but automatic is so easy, and I live in a rather mountainous region. But the car was a pretty good deal, in pretty good shape, and it really is a nice little car.

The thing is, after I got the car, we couldn't figure out how to get the 12 disc changer (Pioneer *drool*) to recognize my cds. Mind you, half the battle is that the face plate in the console was chewed by a dog (or a weird kid, who knows) and it's burnt out in a few places. So you can't see what you're doing. No music (and no decent FM...the AM I can't find anymore...got it once and lost it) wasn't so bad at first. I was focused on driving a stick, the shifting, clutching, driving. But now that I've got a pretty good handle on it...driving in silence is boring.

So yesterday Craig tinkered around in the car for a while before finally getting it to work. It's great. The disc changer for whatever reason doesn't like slot 12. But I can live with that. Even if I can only have 6 or 7 cds in there, it'll still be better than 1 cd or none. Right? Right. Did I mention that the skip forward button is busted? Ah well, that can't be easily fixed I don't think. So to E-bay.ca I go and I'll have to find a face plate that's compatable. I've seen a few (I need one of those Super Tuner III ones) that are a bit older, but whatever works. My plan was that if we couldn't fix the changer for less than $100, sell it for $200 (Letting the person know) and that's still half the price of the changer at the store. The cheap store.

I don't know what is the matter with me today, I'm exhausted. Very exhausted. Okay that's somewhat of a lie. I didn't have a nap after work yesterday, and then hung out with Brandy and Craig til about 6ish. Once the stereo was working I HAD to go for a drive. Got home, was tired, but wouldn't let myself sleep so early (Maybe I should have) and watched the CSI:Miami Marathon on A&E before catching the new episode on Global.

My boss was away this weekend, attending his little brothers wedding. Come to find out, that his older brother passed away suddenly. So he's out of town for the next few days. Autopsy is going to be done. My heart goes out to his family. It's just a terrible thing. I guess he was in a big car accident years ago, and has been in a wheelchair since. He went to hospital feeling not so good (I think flu like symptoms) and passed away not long after. It's terrible when someone dies, but it's worse when it's unexpected and it occurs to someone fairly young. Thoughts and well wishes for the boss' family.

Gah. I want to just get home and crawl into a warm bed. Snooze away the afternoon. Won't be going much of anywhere tonight.

Catch a Dylan Song or Some Eclipse of the Moon

The year is 1989, and the girl to the right is yours truly. Gastly and funny all at the same time. This would be my very first day of school, at the ripe old age of 4. My Mother thought I was stylish and cute with my big hair, pink dress and black nylons. Most girls like to wear dresses, but I was really uncomfortable. Look at my hair! It was bigger than my damn head. It makes me laugh to look at it, though. Afterall, it'll be a great picture to show my kids one day, and I can listen to them mock me. You know, if I was 20 and dressed that way in 1989 I would have been at the pinacle of fashion. But at 4, I looked silly. Parents...strike that...my mother.

1 month to go til I turn 22! How time flies, doesn't it? Life seems to be whizzing on by and then at times it seems to crawl. I've decided that I can't waste what precious little youth I have left. Who knows? In a few years I could be married, I might have my own children. I need to do more, be more.

Strangely, my stepmom told me something I never thought my parents would say to me. I take my job "very seriously" and "almost too seriously". That never occured to me before. That came up when I talked about how during my vacation (or at least the first bit of it) that it felt weird to not be at work and to sleep in and stay up late how I enjoy. She pointed out that it was the first real vacation I'd had in almost 2 years of working steady hours for either part time or full time work. I'm in the same sort of boat again right now. I'm the only full time announcer, so I've been relugated to working holidays until Mark gets back in February. Right now I have 3 holidays and 3 work days accrewed. With Rememberance Day, Christmas, Boxing Day, New Years...he's going to owe me 2 weeks worth of time off plus two weeks of vactation time. That's not including any overtime between now and then. Yes, that rocks in the sense that I'll get a whole month off in the summer, but working holidays after working 40 hour work weeks without a break (and looking less and less like that raise is coming) I am burning out. I think I'll take some of that time off next month. Dave seems open to that idea.

Feels like so much has been happening in the last few days. Friday I was alone after 1pm, to do logs, commercials, on-air etc. I had work to do but it was a lot of waiting on other people by about 3pm, so I logged onto web-msn to see who was online. Abby was there, so I said hi. Told her I was working, but taking a bit of a break, she was doing much the same. The door buzzer went off not that long after we started talking, and I didn't want someone to leave before I got to the door (because there were tickets to be picked up). I didn't have time to type out a BRB since the buzzer was going crazy. It's annoying when people do that, I heard you the first buzz, don't stand there and press on it 100 times. Anyways, I was out front about 2 minutes, then back to the computer. Abby has left a "gee it's fun talking to myself message" and that irked me. She was taking her sweet time replying to me, but when it comes to replying back, I guess I should be more on the ball. Riiight.

Me: Is something wrong?
Abby: No, why?
Me: Well that was a little rude. I'm at work, that comes first.

This is where she freaks right out (I wish I'd had the forethought to save the conversation) and tells me I'm self-absorbed. Sure, I have my moments, and someday's I'm worse than others, but I think for the most part I'm a pretty caring individual, and I do take a keen interest in my friends and their lives. Afterall, I'd been trying to salvage what was left of that friendship for months to no avail.

Abby accuses me of thinking her medical problems are "excuses". That got my blood boiling. What I find to be an excuse is when I call her up, ask her if she wants to hang out (either go for a drive, watch a movie, go shopping, work on our scrapbook) I get "I'm too tired". Every, single, damn time. I get that her meds make her tired, but what I don't get is "I'm too tired" doesn't apply to hanging out with Lisa, cleaning Lisa's apartment, watching the baby. After talking to her all week and getting the "we'll see how I feel" she tells me she already has plans with Lisa.

That was it for me. I've always maintained that I would never let someone treat me like a doormat, but that's what I'd become. To hang out with Abby at her convience. To have plans made, only to be broken at the last minute. She's done it to me so many times in the last several months that I can't even count them all.

Plus she had to drag Brandy into things. I took time off in August to bring Abby to Bathurst for some medical stuff. The plan was we'd go early, shop a bit, take her to the hospital and then back home. She even called Mindy (a friend of mine from college whom she became friends with while the two lived in Bathurst and didn't know anyone) and set up a lunch date for us all to spend time with eachother. The day before we were to go down, she E-MAILED me saying she didn't want to go shopping and that she wanted to go straight down. She was worried, and thought she might not be able to walk or sit up even afterwards. I understood, and accepted that. I called her to confirm the change, and told her to call Mindy (I didn't have her home #) and let her know. Then she up and changed her mind again, and we would go shopping. So I suggested we really make a girls day of it, and bring Brandy since Craig was off that day. She snarls on the phone that she doesn't want Brandy to come because she "hates" her. WTF? Hates her? She doesn't even know Brandy, save the one time we all hung out. And she had a good time. But because Brandy and I had a fight, she doesn't like her. Talk about childish.

So after the Brandy comment, she said she didn't want to shop at all and she was nervous etc. I told her maybe her step-dad should take her anyways because she didn't think she'd be able to walk, and I can't carry her, let alone up or down the stairs at the two places she lives. She was pissy about that, thinking I said no because of the shopping/Brandy thing. I couldn't have cared less (except her hate of someone she didn't know) about the shopping, I was concerned about Abby not being able to take care of herself, and didn't think I was the right person to look after her.

Friendships end, that happens, that I can deal with. But when people become hostile, that's uncalled for. I think she's a coward for not being able to just tell me things were over. That I could accept, but she had to do it in such a way that would be hurtful. I didn't cry about it, it's not the end of my world. I am the "human sponge" though, and I do have a heart, so I won't lie and say that I came out unscathed.

The whole Keith thing is taking a turn for the worst as well. He's become very distant, and hasn't even left his msn online over the weekend. And his msn is ALWAYS on. Like mine. I just leave it on, so if people want to talk to me, then they can. I wonder if he blocked me or something. I sent him an e-mail but haven't heard back from him. Brandy doesn't figure he'll be coming out to her place for game night anymore. I have to call him in about 20 minutes to tell him to come in and read a funeral announcement in French.

Speaking of Brandy and Craig, gonna head over there after work today. Craig is going to take a look at my car stereo for me and see if he can't get the disc changer to work. The face plate is dead but I'm not going to order a new one until I get the changer working. I can get a replacement head on e-bay for about 10 bucks.

Today is Thanksgiving here in Canada. I had my turkey supper with my grandparents and parents yesterday. Delicious! It was great to spend some time with my parents and check out the work they're doing to the new house. Poor Dad looks all beat up, with a cut on his nose from where some wall boards fell on him. And his fingernail is all black and sore looking from where he was hammering nails up in the corner of the ceiling and he was doing it pretty hard (I guess to hammer it fewer times) and whacked his own fingers. Poor guy almost fell off the stool he was on. My grandparents look well. Teddy (their dog) is off people food cause he was neglecting his own doggy-chow.

My folks are going to visit my sister and her husband Christopher in the states on the 29th of this month. Lilly and Chris are in Washington this weekend because he got invited to an Arms Convention or something of that sort. Army stuff, anyways.

Well...better make a call and do some VTing.

Happy Turkey Day!

We Held on Tight Like Hungry Lovers

I swore that I would NEVER play this game and yet I caved, after I upgraded my video card. I bought the WoW trial and I am hooked. I plan on buying the game with my GST Cheque.

So this is my character, Silver Brightmoon. I'm kinda proud of myself of getting the hang of this game so quick. Normally, I get bored of a game after a while. But the great thing about this one is, you get bored of an occupation, pick a new one. Pick a new race. Pick different skills. Pick Alliance or Hoard.

I learned the skill of herbalism first but it wasn't really working for me. I was collecting herbs in dangerous areas and it wasn't benificial to my girl. So I switched her up, got leatherwork instead since I had skinning too. I made her boots and her hooded cloak. I made a few other things, but I couldn't use them or they weren't as good as what I already had. I'm having fun just making stuff at this point. Not that slaying monsters isn't fun, cause it is. But I was playing with a guy last night and it just...we kept dying and he didn't want me to leave. But we weren't strong enough to beat Greenpaw with all other bears around us. I almost lost all my gear and had to high tail it out of there after dying about 10 times.

The only draw back about playing this game is I might have to rethink my computer set-up. My pinched nerve starts to go wonky and sore, my back stiffens right up to the point if I lose track of time, by the time I quit for the day, I can barely move my arms. Hot bath takes care of that, mostly, and I have a gel pack and a handheld massager with different face plates. That helped a lot last night. After I gamed with Xxandra and that other fella, I was wiped.

That's not what's got me going this morning though. Normally, when I'm at work I go right for my work e-mail and check that first. There's generally 2 important daily e-mails I need after 6am. Sometime, in my tired state, I check personal e-mail first. Most cases, that early in the day, it's some funny forwards from Liz, updates on my website traffic, and what's going on via some of my newsletters. Not this morning. Lo-and-belhold an e-mail from Randy.

I should explain about Randy, since I've never (to my knowledge) mentioned him in this particular blog. Randy and I dated when I was on break from college, between first and second year. What can I say about him? He represented a lot of 'firsts' for me. And he's one of the only guys I've ever dated who've really sparked a sexual desire for me. Not to say I'm dead inside about that sort of thing, but with Randy it was tangible. Things didn't work out between us when his ex (who'd just up and left with half his stuff one day while he was at work) came back pregnant with his kid. She tried to palm the kid off on Randy and I and take no responsibility herself. Long story short, we agreed to break up, they got back together, it didn't work out cause she's a bitch and he was bi-polar (undiagnosed at the time).

He told me after I moved up here, that he was in love with me. I was willing to go with that, but he got into this mood where he didn't deserve me or trust himself (another long story about his ex). Found out that he had a second son (timeline...2nd year of college...plus a year of work, so this is two years after our breakup) that he wasn't sure if it was his. I'm guessing he is. Then, after he insisted that I moved on, I started something up with Marko and in an e-mail after months of silence from Randy, I mentioned that it hadn't worked out. Randy flipped, like I had cheated or something and we stopped talking.

That was MONTHS and MONTHS ago. I mean...that would have been maybe late 2005. So, almost a year ago, possibly. I'd have to go back and check the dates of those e-mails.

Naturally, I'm surprised to hear from him again. Surprised by my excitement over it. Even if we're just friends, I can't explain it. Randy can be moody, but there was something about him that I really liked. Maybe that he was a good guy with a bad boy streak. Plus, there was no mistaking his attraction to me, he was less than shy about it, and that can be exciting in itself. For now, obviously, I'm just going to take it one email at time with no expectations.


On a sadder note:

Two more Canadian soldiers have fallen victim to the Taliban.
Insurgents killed the two soldiers and wounded five others yesterday in an
attack on ground the Canadians captured just weeks ago. The
small group of soldiers was providing security. Canadian
military officials identified the dead as Sergeant Craig Gillam and Corporal
Robert Mitchell. They were both members of the Royal Canadian
Dragoons based in Petawawa, Ontario.

I lived in Petawawa, and my dad is a retired Dragoon. He worked with Sgt. Gillam when he was just a Cpl years and years ago. My heart broke when I read that story. Right away I e-mailed Dad, and I would wager he's upset with the news. RIP Gillam and Mitchell.

I Just Can't Get You Out of My Head

Better times, in that photograph. Keith started out so friendly, chipper and nice. I guess that's what people do when they want to date you. They put up this false front, where you don't really get an accurate picture of who they are. Not me. I try to act like myself, and save for perhaps sensoring some of my humour (never know who you could offend) I'm me when I meet someone. I'm the same person I was when I met Keith. But he's different, changed. Relaxed? Isn't so concerned with me ditching him?

I want him to be himself, but it's just such a drastic change. He's so moody lately, and I feel like he's playing head games with me. He says he isn't acting any differently, but how many people can relfect upon themselves and recognize that? Even I can't do that.

He was acting incredibly odd yesterday. We went out to eat, he was fairly silent except to complain about his college course load. It's college though, and he chose a medical field so he must have had some idea that it was going to be difficult. Then, we talked about how he's going to be tranfered to a different cop-shop that's further away and he's going to be working their Saturday afternoon. That was fine, I knew he was going to be working there every other Saturday for the next while. Then...THEN...he informs me that after he gets home (and asssuming he's there for a full shift, and he said he's going in after lunch, he wouldn't be finished until around 8pm, and it's a 2 hour drive back so he'd be home at 10p) he's going to watch a movie with one of his friends. I can't remember how he slipped it in there that this friend was a chick. But I wasn't exactly impressed. No, we aren't dating, but for someone who's interested in persuing that avenue...seems a wee bit strange that he would be at a girls house late at night. I'm not a jealous person, and I don't think I'm jealous but more suspicious. I get this sneaking feeling that he's punishing me for asking for some time to myself during the week. Maybe not consciously, but on some level.

Keith insists that everything is fine, that he hasn't noticed he's acting different. He thinks I've imagined the entire senario. But when I called Brandy last night and talked to her about it, she agreed with me completely. Hell, he didn't even give me a hug and he usually does before I head inside after we hang out.

I hate head games. If he doesn't like me, that's fine. But I think I deserve to know that he's moving on.



On a brighter note, we got 4 new computers at work yesterday. Some fairly decent IBM's with flatpanels, and new periferals to replace the aged Compaq's we had from 2000. Mine is one of the new ones, and Steve was clearly using it last night. I'm not impressed with that, just because he's rather distructive on a PC. If it breaks, I'm going to break him. I do programming on that PC. Oh he will feel my rath for sure.

In girly issues, this bra I bought in Bathurst is pure evil. Plain and simple. I feel like I'm wearing a bear trap every time I put it on. I'm going to be giving in and getting a sports bra and only wearing this one when I must. Normally when I get home, I take off the bra and go "aaah" but now I tear the damn thing off as soon as I get inside the door and hurl it at the laundry basket, cursing it's very creation. Damn Daisyfresh. Damn them to hell. Hmm, I wonder if they have a website, I should go send them a little comment about their product.

Find Out Games You Don't Wanna Play

On our way to Perce a few weeks ago, we stopped in Carleton at the big playground because beyond it, there was a breathtaking view. Then, naturally, we goofed around in the absolute huge playground there. I got inside the tube, and was going to climb out, only to discover that the foot holds in the tube are MUCH smaller than my feet. Keith took a picture of me in there, and it turned out great and really fun. It's probably my favourite picture of me.

The weekend was pretty good. I picked up one of those 14 day WoW trials for 1.88 and I am hooked after playing part of Saturday and a few hours yesterday! I am pretty stoked and am going to use my GST cheque this month to buy the game, and possibly another stick of memory. 512 works for now, but I'd like to have more for the bigger quests. Then again, I may just put the remainder of the cheque to the subscription until Christmas and then either ask for another stick of RAM or use the money I get and do it myself.

Friday, Keith and I went to Bathurst and checked out "Jackass 2" and it was hilarious in an idiotic and disgusting way. It's kind of like a train wreck, you shouldn't watch and yet you can't turn away. It's oddly compelling. I think it says something about human nature when we laugh at people getting hurt on purpose. But honestly, it was hilarious and the entire theatre was in stitches at some of the bits. Some of them were incredibly gross. Not to mention dangerous. And some asshole shot Keith's car just as we were approaching the exit to get home. PUCK! Paintball hit the windshield, loudly, and scared the friggin' daylights out of us both. Naturally, he called the cops, who were out full force. Some people have been going through town when the bar lets out and shooting people with the paintball gun. Could you imagine? You're walking home, kind of buzzing, someone drives up, points a muzzle of a weapon at you, shoots you with a red paintball. It hurts like hell, it's red and wet. You panic and think you've just been shot. You haven't but when you're drunk, what do you know? Your perception is way off.

Saturday I installed WoW, updated it, played a little tiny bit with Cassiie. Her guild is going through a divorce and she was busy infighting with a bunch of people in her guild. So I basically ran around myself. Keith was suppose to meet me at Brandy's after he got back from work, so I headed out myself. Had supper, went into town with Brandy which was nice to get her out of the house even for an hour. I drove the car through town, something I'd been avoiding since town is busy, somewhat hilly and you know how standards are. Plus people like to get right on your ass in town. Now that I've done it I'm not worried. I didn't drive through town a whole lot to start with because it's abnormally busy and there's nothing I need there (except laundry) and I still prefer to go around because believe it or not it takes less time some days. Keith didn't make it out, that night. Cop stuff which I can't discuss. We had fun without him.

Yesterday I could have slept all day. I woke up around 10ish and fell back to sleep til around 11 before I forced myself to get out of bed and have a bath and wake up a bit. Keith and I went to do some groceries and then went down to the beach for some target shooting. Came home, played some WoW. I had a splitting headache all day, I think it was my sugars. I feel great this morning though, very rested. So that's something.

This morning I am a little pissed off at one of our listeners. Complaints are justified when you have a legitimate one. But, when someone calls in because you didn't get an e-mail they sent for a birthday and you offer to take it on the phone for the next round they bite your head off. I don't know what they expect me to do about it. If I didn't get it, I didn't get it. Then this particular caller gets her undies in a twist about how I never answer the phone when she calls. Um, yes I do, because she has caller ID and she calls at least once a week. At least. I gently informed her that I am the only one in the station from 5 til 9 in the morning, and I have other things I'm responsible for, so it's hard to get to the phone. She informs me that she has no problems getting someone to pick up any other time of the day. And again, I remind her that at other times of the day there are several more people in the office. Her tone was rude, she rudely said goodbye and hung up. Honestly. Does anyone really think that by being rude about something, the service will improve? No, it'll get you hated, that's what. Not that I hate this caller, but it just irks me.

CSI: Miami should be on tonight. I'll have to rewind the tape so I get it all. I started taping some Friday night so I could watch them Saturday while I putted around the house. I got through 3 of them, into the 3rd one, where you're getting cloeser to who did the killing and why and boom...tape stops and rewinds itself. Damnit. I ran out of tape. Keith has CSI: Miami Season 1 that he's going to burn for me though. Then he's going to work on the other seasons. That's good. Then I can watch all of them, any time I want.

I know I keep beating a dead horse on this thing about Abby, but Saturday really took the cake. I had e-mailed her about my hair curler/straightener thing to see if she found it yet cause I wanted it. She MSNed me Saturday morning to let me know that I could have it back when she got her books back. I have one of her books, but the rest I returned, and she tried to say otherwise. But I cited exactly when I returned those other items to her, and she ammended, and said she probably lost the book in her room. She's sick, apparently, I got a brief of it. But she went offline before I could really comment. I keep reminding myself, that I do care about her and what she's going through, but I can't be expected to fall all over myself with it when she couldn't give a rats ass about me or my issues when I was going through all my tests. I'm tired of the games.