My God It's So Beautiful When the Boy Smiles

Sniff sniff. Can you smell that, Kids and Kittens? It's election day here in the province of New Brunswick. Rather dull campaign, if you ask me. The Tory's and Grits are in a statistical deadheat. With the new electoral map this election, we could see some changes in a few ridings. Polls are open at 10am until 8pm tonight. Remember, if you don't vote you lose your right to complain. Don't like the government? Let them know. Vote for opposition, vote NDP (a good balance of power but not a good party to lead) or just plain spoil your ballot so they know you cared enough to get off your duff and say "hey, none of these guys deserve my vote." Remember to mark your ballot with an X and to not include the letters F & U.

See my obligatory picture today? That's from the NB Progressive Conservative website! And that dark haired chick in the blue golf tee, with the armload of press packages, pointing a mic at Premier Lord during a media scrum? That's me! Kind of cool that I made it on his website, even if you can't see my face.

Tonight I'm working election coverage and I'm sort of so-so on that. I don't want to work tonight just because I've been working so much since Mark left that I sometimes loathe to be here even a second past my 8 hours of required time. And on the otherhand I'm excited to do the coverage because I'll be telling several ridings the results as they happen, live. Who knew I'd end up developing an interest in politics and world events? Strange how things change.

Speaking of change. A while back I got an envelope full of wedding pictures from Melissa. We were best friends in high school. Thick as theives we were. But we drifted apart for various reasons that seemed important at the time, and less so as I reflect back on things. Everything happens for a reason. My last year of high school in Ontario I spent with Katie, Liz, Jen, Amanda, Lenny, Julia and the Amy's. Good times. Anyways, the pictures look great. They had a Celtic wedding and everyone dressed in period costume to attend. I'd post the pictures but they're not mine to post, and I respect their privacy. But it was stunning.

My destiny to spend the rest of my life in a bubble (allergies, you know) is going to come to light. I had a small allergy test last Tuesday and it went horribly. I was tested for apples (I ate apples and nectaries one morning and developed a huge rash on my neck and face) and hazelnuts. Not allergic to apples...well, I still might be, but not skin wise. Could be an oral allergy. Hazelnuts I knew I was allergic to, I discovered that I couldn't eat the freshly picked ones about 2 years ago when my tongue got itchy, my lips hurt and I couldn't swallow. But the nurse INSISTED I be tested to find out how severe. Bloody severe is what. My lips went numb, the hive got huge and started to grow limbs as it spread across my arm, I sneezed, my arm hurt and itched like crazy. So, when I told the nurse that my lips were numb she ran and got the doctor who was in the other waiting room with someone else. He flew in, and gave me a needle (sort of like an epipen but in a needle) and that HURT like a fat bitch on Monday. Almost as painful as the damn flu shot. He knows I hate needles, and he says to me "I haven't seen you in a while. I'm sorry I have to give you a needle today." And then harpooned me. Considerate man. I have to be retested for all of my environmental allergies because I don't have the documents from my Ontario doctor. I'm hoping really hard that I won't have to have it done on my back again. I'm considering asking to be sedated. Seriously. It was an Fing nightmare.

More changes are happening in my life. Scary ones. Good scary, but scary none the less.

Yesterday I read something in Keith's journal. He and I have been sort of pussyfooting around eachother in terms of a concrete "we're dating" relationship. Instead we're seeing eachother, without any physical type of contact (except hugging). I know that sounds lame, but I don't like to rush into relationships because that never works out in the end. If you build up to something, it's meaningful. I believe people should be friends before they're lovers. He's admitted to having what he's termed "a huge crush" on me. He's incredibly sweet and sometimes the way he looks at me, or the little things he does makes me just...I can't even describe what I feel. But I read in his journal that he wasn't sure we'd work out in an actual relationship. I've never felt that kind of pain before, like a squeezing on my heart. A pressure on my chest, a queasy feeling in my stomach. And rage. Not the kind of rage that would cause me to harm someone but just this feeling of anger. I couldn't separate the anger though. For him playing around with me like that and then at myself for getting close to someone. I was seething when I had to go into work because Keith and Ed had bungled up some stuff (with Steve's help). He thought I was mad about work related stuff, and it all came spilling out later that night. And he confessed that he was scared because he cared about me so much that it was startling. Hell, that's what I'm feeling right now. But I'm scared to get close to him if he's going to bolt and break my heart. That saying "better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" might be true, but easier said than done. Isn't it emotional suicide to become involved and attached to someone who tends to bolt when things get serious?

Some food for thought.

Worried about my friend Liz. She's going through a dark spot and requested a card reading from me, to see if there was any light at the end of the dark tunnel she's in. I've done them for her before, so she trusts what the cards are saying. I'll probably try to carve out some time tonight and do that for her before coming back in to work.

I'm so flippin' busy lately that it takes me forever to get to stuff. Blarg. I'll get to you all, I promise!